This is only the beginning...

The beginning of a journey marked with challenges,
but promising growth and great joy;
The great joy of knowing that it's all for the Lord,
serving,
embracing the moments,
laughing,
loving,
falling more in love,
seizing opportunities,
not holding back,
pressing on, moving forward,
holding on to memories, but sifting out regrets.

I know that He has great plans for me, to prosper me, and not to harm me...I know that this is not the end of great things, but just the beginning.

Never looking back.

How have I grown and changed since I have been on outreach, or going back even further, since DTS?

Before, I had been so engrossed in insecurity and fear that I didn't realize how that was affecting my every action. Then God began to speak to me with the words he used for many people in the Bible: "Be strong and courageous." And He added, "Be bold." But what did being bold look like? I learned that, for me, that may be a little different. It didn't necessarily mean being loud all the time, but, rather, was a stepping out even when fear rose up. It meant not being afraid to do things even when others may think it crazy. It meant not backing down.

Part of being strong was this process of beginning to see myself the way that God saw me. Now, I can begin to look past myself, past the insecurity and love others the way that God loves them.

This last week of outreach I want to live to the fullest potential. I want to set the cadence for how I will walk out life on campus and past that. I feel God leading me to the place where "my trust is without borders", when He'll say anything and I'll jump to do what He says; when, instead of counting the cost, I count it all joy.

I have decided that I am not going to go "back to the way that things used to be before His Presence came and changed me". I am moving forward and never looking back.

Life is an adventure...

I close my eyes letting the pastel pinks and navy blues of the sunset settle in my memory. Suddenly, another wave of people head towards me. I take a breath as I begin to pass out New Testaments again. "my-uhn-fayyy," I try my best to pronounce with a big smile as they walk by.

"Am I saying this right?"

Then I remind myself what it is all about. These people may have never had a chance to hear about Christ before, let alone know what a Bible is. This may be there first taste of hope. So, what does it matter if they continue to laugh at me? This could be their last opportunity to get the Word. Who knows when they will ever come in contact with a Christian again?

It's moments like this that I want to make the most of, letting the adrenaline of the unexpected push me forward.

What a blessing to be a part of the ministries I have been working with here. I have learned so much about myself and about the world and working with people. I have learned about the heart of God and about the example that Jesus gave.

Thank You

Yesterday I sat and remembered how one person impacted my life, with one small act.

There was a time when I felt traumatized by fear and there were times when I let it rule me. I still remember that night, sitting in the school cafeteria, fighting to hold back tears. I remember the pain I held inside and the feeling that I could not ever get rid of it. Then, I had trouble seeing past the issues in my life, I was barely hanging on to hope and didn't know how to verbalize what I was feeling.
    
Yet, this friend sat by me and listened. He encouraged me with words that I couldn't quite fully understand at the time, but they were comforting. I couldn't fully understand them because I couldn't imagine getting to the point where I could shout to sin and the things of my past, "You don't own me!"

Hope was on the horizon.

And sometimes all it takes is a friend to give you a word of encouragement; to see from an outside perspective what you can't see. 

Now I am at that point of breakthrough, where my spirit longs to dance and my heart overflows with joy. I can see where God has brought me freedom and the areas that He is still working on. I am so thankful for the people that He has placed in my life to help me and come alongside me on this journey.

And I am reminded of how important it is to share with and encourage one another because I see how this one instance impacted me and helped me hold on to hope. So, I remember not to hold anything back and to love with all I have. I press on, knowing that God will use the freedom He has brought me to help bring freedom to others.

Greater is the One.

We sat and watched the sun set over Bangkok, straining to catch a glimpse of Bang Na or Old Bangkok in the distance. For what seemed like miles, towering apartment and business buildings stretched into the haze of the horizon.

            Coming here Bangkok, with its shopping malls and smiling faces, seemed grand and picture perfect. Then I began to notice the spirit houses and idols everywhere. And I realized that the smiles were just hiding what was really going on. The vast land of Bangkok, our mission field, soon became a giant with grander proportions than Goliath after we walked in the Red Light District.

            Yet, as we sat at the table with the ministry leader preparing for outreach in the bars I began to realize what I, myself, had tried to explain to a volunteer earlier that day: in these dark areas we have to hold on to hope for those caught in the darkness. Our God is hurting and fighting for them and He chose us to be His very examples of love. The leader prayed that I would, in my discernment and growing spiritual awareness, not forget God’s greatness and the victory He has.

            After we prayed and she blessed us, we were off. We were on a mission to reach out to an individual who had relapsed and gone back into the bars. I was overjoyed to be able to show one person just how much he meant to God and that he was not forgotten, but what happened next was unexpected. We ended up getting the wrong person. He did not speak much English. Though communication was strained, I know one thing: we showed one person just how much he meant to God and that he was not forgotten.

            When we left the bar, we began to pray for the people entering the bars and watched God’s hand sweep down and win battles in front of our eyes. It was the war of temptation over man’s heart. Men began to peek in bars then walk away, out of the plaza. Some didn’t even get as far as the bar door. I smiled and jumped for joy as I saw victories in the battle over lives. Though there were many people there that night, the ones who did leave and the potential people who could’ve been affected by the men who left, I began to see a ray of hope peek through the clouds over Bangkok.

The overflow of a brokenheart... a heart broken for Thailand.

Ever since the Lord ignited a spark in my heart for justice, when He gave me an immense love for Africa, I longed to go there and help create change. And when I arrived in Sierra Leone, it took everything within me to stay calm as we passed by orphanages and amputees, knowing that I was just there to visit family and didn't have any time or means to serve. After I left I dreamed of going to the orange dust streets of Uganda. Every shirt I saw with Africa, every espresso-colored face that passed by, and every movie or time Africa was mentioned, my heart skipped and I imagined myself there again. There I would sit on the porch of my grandpa's house watching the people pass by as I looked up from my sketchpad, where an outline of a lizard sat smudged with charcoal.

Now, I sit and watch as motorcycles drive through the streets of Bangkok. I remember joking with my friends about where my outreach might be when I first found out that I was going to discipleship training school and I never thought I would be going to Asia. Yet, as I stepped out into the airport there was such a joy and sense of peace that filled my heart. I don't think it is as much the land I am stepping on or the bit of air surrounding me that had an effect, but it was the people... the people and their sweet and gentle spirits... their kind hearts.
I don't know why, even at "home" (Sierra Leone), I didn't feel the way I do now. I do know one thing, it is the feeling of living in God's will... living out what He has called me to. It is the comfortability of fitting into that place that had been waiting for me; like a puzzle waiting for its last piece. Nothing could be more perfect than this. Already, fear has been washed away as I went to help teach English to over 200 Thai people. I had the joy of knowing that God was with me through it all and the love that overflowed from my heart that God had poured into me. This was months of prayer answered and played out in front of me. There was no feeling of trying in my own strength, it came simple and easy with the love that God gave me.

If this is only the beginning here in Thailand... I can't wait to see what God wants to do next here. He has soo much in store for the people here and I know that His light is going to flood through and pour into this place of spiritual darkness. His love and heart are so grand for these people. They have so much to contribute to the kingdom and I am praying for his children to be reconciled to Him.

Glory. Glory in the highest.

Take a look around you.

You will see...
the grass, sprinkled and adorned with flowers and shimmering with morning dew... butterflies lighting on delicate blossoms...

Look at the food on your plate...
colorful, satisfying, refreshing and delightful.

Look at the birds in the sky...
soaring high and majestic, singing out of the bursting joy in their hearts, gently caring for their young and not worrying about whether or not there is enough to eat for the season... simply living each day, day by day.

Look at the people passing by,
each one displaying aspects of our Father:
His goodness, His kindness, His gentleness, His joy, His creativeness, His wisdom, His purity, His openess, His boldness, His jovialness... His love.

The world around us is filled with his splendor. Even the skies pour forth speech, declaring His greatness.

We were created with a propensity to see His glory and seek His glory. Even more, we were meant to reflect His glory. Yet, the more we choose not to respond to the glory reflected in His creation, the more we lose an appreciation for it. And so we ignore it and lose sight of all that He is and all we were created to be. We lose sight of hope and what life really means. We turn our backs on Him and continue to search for more and more ways... when the Way was clearly set out before us. He came and showed us exactly who the Father was and He waits for us to remember who He is, and where we're from... why we were created. He waits, longing to see us run to Him. He longs to hold us. To wrap us in His arms, whisper an I love you in our ears and plant a kiss on our soiled cheeks, as His tears wash the mire off of our face.

It's in His embrace, I find rest.