I wanna live every day like...

...it was my last. Even if it were my very last day spent with you, I can joyfully say that right now I am satisfied with the last twenty four hours spent with you and that, that is how I would like my every day to be.

Today started out like any other day:

1. I woke up.

2. I had not enough time to spend with you. And it wasn't seeming to work out how I had kept planning it to be.

… but wait… I stopped. I stopped to spend time with you. I sacrificed time I knew I could be spending with a friend and chose to spend it with you. That is what you desire, my time, my heart, all of me… just as I am.

Then, I missed chapel, the place where I was supposed to experience you the most. Or, so I thought…

I procrastinated on homework to the point I had to miss a class and finish my major assignments during the class period.

(But wait… before you start to judge me, let me state my case and why I believe there was a turn around to my day)

I’ve always known that God “desires mercy, not sacrifice”, that He looks at the heart. And there was a moment when I discovered that since “nothing was hidden from His sight” and I had chosen to spend the moments of my day that I could’ve decided to worry with Him instead, things turned out very differently than they would’ve if I had not chosen to keep my eyes on Him. As I worked on homework and read the Scriptures for class, something began to stir in my heart. Just as I prayed many times before to see this reading as not only another time to read His Word, but to dig deep; His Holy Spirit began speaking and leading me through. Words jumped off the page, and my passion was reignited.

That wasn’t the only prayer answered today. I began to pray for those around me, trusting that God had the ability to move in their lives using the words He lead me to pray. I no longer worried about praying seemingly repetitive things. I was talking  with my Daddy, my Comforter, my Provider… the good and faithful God.

And as the day draws to an end (and really while another one begins) my heart is full to overflow. I pray that I may be a blessing to those around me tomorrow and that I am able to, with an ever-increasing glory, reflect my Father and Savior in all that I do.

Focus.

How do I describe what has happened in the last few days?

It always seems to be best when it spills out in the excitement and joy that comes from knowing His goodness.

After a summer of discovering more about my Father and who I was in Christ Jesus, I stepped into a land of giants. Just after finding out more about my purpose, my calling, and about being confident in who God made me to be, I had to stand before these monsters. They taunted me with things like, "where is your God now?" And I began to believe He was distant. Though He stayed coaching me and cheering me on, His voice was drowned out as I began to change my focus to these jeers.

Trust me.

My grace is sufficient.

"Sarah, you know me. I'm right here. I've never left You."

I can hear Him now as I rest in His embrace.

And now it all makes sense. As I start to look back at the number of times He seemed to say, "Look up, Sarah, look at me." Maybe that's why I had to have two people tell me in two separate times of prayer that they saw a vision of Jesus right in front of me, face-to-face. Jesus so desperately wanted me to know He was right there and that He never left my side. Furthermore, He wanted me to know that I should fix my gaze on Him and let everything else fade from my sight.

I still can't get over His amazing grace, mercy and care.

He continues to show up in my life in ways that I never would've imagined and I love it. O, how I love my Jesus!

Take a look from up here...(flying high)

So many things have happened since DTS. Sometimes it feels like not so much has happened. And the world keeps spinning on past me. If I let it, it flies by in a whirlwind of colors and tests and schoolwork and events to attend. Then I remind myself or the Holy Spirit, rather, calls to me closer to Jesus, calls me to fix my eyes on Him. It is then I remember that who He has made me to be, that He made me new. And not only that, but He is making me new. He saved me, he called me and delivered me from sin and death. Yet, there is that process of sanctification. That is the beauty of his gift of salvation, the indescribable process and experience of getting to know Him and becoming more like Him.

And so I ask myself, "What has been standing in the way of me being completely moldable?" I want to stay in that continual state of brokeness, being His humble servant and vessel.

I know that surely nothing can separate me from Your love. And that Your love truly casts out fear. I know that Your Spirit lives in me, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty. Freedom from fear. I know that You have set me free from sin and death, so why do I act like it still tethers me to the ground when I was made to fly? What is it that breaks a spirit, like the baby elephant that has every capability of being free? If only we knew our capacity! He said greater things we will do... how can we achieve those things if we never set our sights on the impossible? take our dreams to new levels? We know that nothing is impossible for our great God. We must look beyond the constraints of our limitations. Believe in what He sees; what He saw in you from the beginning. Learn to love without boundaries. Take risks, even if it means dying. For the One who gave it all came to be an example for all. We have to give everything for the sake of sharing the Good News, to show the world just who our loving God is, to share the love of Christ.

Don't live life in fear. Take a step outside. Enjoy the sunshine. And, above all... break free and fly!

What are we waiting for?

Sink or swim I'm divin' in where the river starts rushin'
Where my hearts start beating
For the rhythms of the testing and the songs of the trials
I will live to cry out to You, sung with hope inside my eyes

Sink or swim I'm diving in
To the passing of Your heart where love starts

(Give Me A Song- Will Reagan & United Pursuit Band)

It's where the river starts rushing, where my heart beats wildly to the drum of His heart. It's the paradox between jumping out into raging waters, going deep and becoming lost in His tender embrace. Though I am leaving the comfort of all I know, I know that I'm not in this alone.

I know that He promised that He'll never leave nor forsake me.

I know that I was created for more, much more.

I know that I cannot stay here, in complacency.

He's calling me, out on the waters with Him... out to the deep places to experience Him in ways that I would never have been able to from the comfort of my home.

Where will I go? What will this look like? How will this all come to be?

I don't know.

But I know that He's good, and that He's ever with me.

Dream big, you were meant and made for so much more!

Breaking through the clouds...

How do I describe what happened today?

God placed a deep assurance in my heart,
He reminded me that I have a purpose,
and, not only that, but there is great vision for my life.

The fact that a mere, undeserving woman like me can be used as His vessel for great things blows me away! My friend helped affirm these things today. It was so great to talk to him and be able to relate in ways that I can't with other people. It's like when soldiers come alongside each other with their shields and make a barrier. We are linking arms pressing forward, no matter the struggle. I have been so grateful for the people God has placed in my life. Today I was reminded that I am God's beloved daughter and that feelings are not the basis of reality, that I need to hold on to truth.

Some things that have been spoken to me before were reaffirmed. I write them here as a reminder that I can hold on to; when doubt and unbelief set in, I can remember what God has told me and the truth that He speaks.

I am going to reach the nations.

He will use my voice to make an impact.

He will use me as an advocate, a voice for the voiceless.

He loves me.

I am His. His beloved daughter. Princess. Valued and cherished.

He is preparing me for something even greater than what I have faced now;

and that in turn will help others find their way to Him.

Perfectly done. (birthday preview)

 Like a painter dabbing the last bits of paint on the canvas, then taking a step back, He watches the commotion in the hospital room. She's clenching her fists, gasping for air, and remembering her promise. There will be no cursing, no signs of rage... though it is a time of great pain, this is a time of rejoicing and celebration... a time for new life. And just as creation in Romans 8 rejoices at the experience of incomparable glory, she starts to praise the Lord. A smile begins to form as the last bit of wincing fades from her face and the doctors hand her, her new baby girl; the precious gift that God knitted and formed for such a time as this...

It is for such a time as this that I was born. Raised to be an advocate, a voice that cries out in defense of innocent lives, a worshiper, a musician, a poet, a faithful friend, a girl that observes the world in a way unique to her God-given perspective, one who is able to draw people to see the kingdom that is not at all far beyond our reach.

Today is the celebration of 24 years of a wonderful life...19 of those years spent in the joy of knowing Jesus Christ as my Savior. And this blog post, like this day, is to fulfill the purpose of celebrating me, as His precious creation. I do this, not to boast about myself or any accomplishments of my own, but to acknowledge what He has done for me, in me and through me.

I used to have things about myself that annoyed me. I used to search for acceptance in the people around me. I used to identify myself with illness and my failures.

That is no longer me.

There came a day when He spoke the clearest, yet most gentle words that he has ever spoken to me. It was one of those days, one of those times when I went to pray for one thing and got a completely different and unexpected response from God.

"God, this is something I've wondered for so long. I believe You can heal me, despite what anyone else says. I believe that You're more than able. Does that mean I should just rely on You for my health concerns? Let me know what to do, I'll trust You, God..."

Silence, preceded by a wave of peace was what immediately followed. 

"I made you perfect inside and out."

And with that the first of about four tears took a dive for the wooden table that my head had hung over. These weren't the bitter, cold tears that cut deep as they roll down; but these were warm tears that soothed with each bit of sweetness that hit my mouth.

That was the day that I knew there was no more need for striving, no need for believing the condemnation and lies.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am His. 

In the words of Shawn McDonald... 

I am perfectly done.

I know what Love sees when Love sees me.

 

Thank You, Jesus, for Your sacrifice; set long before the world was formed.
Thank You God for making me,
for choosing me,

for loving me.

Set the captives free!

Last night I went to an event to help raise awareness about human trafficking in the area. As the officials spoke about the tragedy of this issue, I began to hold back tears... I couldn't fathom the amount of pain that this was causing and I couldn't stop thinking about the women in Thailand... my friends that I had cherished many memories of. I wondered where they were now. Were they somewhere at a bar across the world, still struggling to hang on?

There are faces to this struggle and now that I have them ever so etched in my mind, I know I must fight for them. Not only are there my friends, but there are so many men, women, boys, and girls being held captive and deceived across the nation and the world. I have felt the weight of deception and held the wounds that are left long after manipulation. I have been deceived to think that I was held captive by fear and condemnation; and I have been openly lied to by ones that I love.

I have decided that I will not let the discouragement and despair of these circumstances control my life and make me lose sight of hope. I will hold on to hope and with joy, I will run to set the captives free!

"I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances, to say to the captives, 'Come out,' and to those in darkness, 'Be free!' " -Isaiah 49:8-9