All that I am is yours...

...My peace...
...My joy...
...My righteousness...
...My love...

Have it all...

As Jonathan David Helser said, "How many times has my son come to me saying 'Father, I beseech thee! If thee could spare one bit of food from thine cabinet...'?" We don't hear children saying many things like that to their parents because they already know that what the parents own is theirs as well.

Our Father wants to give us good things. He wants to bless us. He wants us to be comfortable in coming to Him. He wants us to know He is listening. I don't know how many times that God has reminded me that He is listening. Just yesterday He spoke a word to me that brought me to tears, knowing I had not cried out in vain. I had spilled out my heart and He said, "I'm listening". There is nothing more comforting than the Father's embrace.

We must never forget all His benefits (Psalm 103) and the sacrifice that Christ made on the cross for us. He laid His life down for a relationship and a partnership. He is completely open to us and wants us to enjoy life with Him. Let's not waste another day holding on to what we're afraid to let go of or waste it selfishly storing away what's been freely given. Let's freely give back what we've been given and let's live in full surrender to the One who gave it all for us.

Because He first loved...
Because He gave His all...
Because He first surrendered everything...
Because He first suffered and took it all for us...

I can love.
I can live.
I can give.
I can surrender all.
I can suffer and take everything,
with His strength, His peace, His love,
surging through my veins,
sustaining me,
with You, Lord,
I can do anything.

Father, You give good gifts.

Nights like these, I just can't sleep...
Like the psalmist, I lie on my bed and meditate.
For all that You've done,
I am ever grateful.
What if I had to spend life climbing
Rung after rung,
A never-ending spiral,
A cycle,
That I could never get myself out of?
Just to reach the top
and find I had still
Fallen short,
Of all that you are:
Perfect,
Holy,
Blameless,
Merciful,
Gracious,
Loving...
Enough to love a wretch like me,
Compelled to save and set me free,
Overwhelmed with a passion to never leave.
You sent Your Son.
He died for me.
Yet, that was not the end...
After you set me free
You made sure I'd never be alone
You couldn't bare to be apart from me.
Now when I'm weak,
You carry me.
Now when I am hungry,
You fill me up.
When I am lost,
You guide me.
When I find myself in the midst of darkness,
You outshine the darkness,
You remind me that I'm not alone.
You empower me.
You encompass and protect me.
Burning within,
You fill me
with a joy this world cannot explain...
My heart cannot contain the love
Exploding from deep inside!

Alice, at last

I seem to have fallen down again,
Tumbled into a hole I can't climb out of.
I go to speak but everyone else is a world away.
I try to think of some other way to reach them
But it feels like I've bumped my head.
No words come out.
So I continue on about my day
This potion is making me move slowly
"Time is ticking," you say
Yet I can't seem to quicken my pace.
Everyone is so happy here,
I join the tea party
Hoping that my joy will be restored.
Laughter and dancing fill the room
I just can't seem to find it in me
To bring myself to participate.
It looks like fun,
And there is a hint,
A faint memory
Of what used to be.
A girl that enjoyed and readily did these sorts of things.

I roamed far like this
Searching for a way back
To the place I had come from,
Yet I found myself deep in a dark forest
Where the laughter of the mockingbird grew.
There was no hope in sight.
Then I looked up
And I found...
You.
With a gentleness about You,
You spoke to me.
You led me and guided me,
But most of all You were the best companion I could have ever had.
You readied me for battle
And when the battle came
You were there.
As I moved swift and bold
With a courage none had seen
I remembered everything You said and it kept me alive.
With every moment I looked forward to simply being with You forever.
Though the dragon was big and fierce,
I saw past its tough facade.
With a double-edged sword raised high
I looked it in the eyes,
And told it to go.
Shocked it turned away
But it was too late...
It met its fate.
Then I turned to see You standing there,
With a look of contentment you stared.
"Alice, at last."
You had seen it all along,
What I was afraid was gone.
With You...
And only with You
I know that I can make it through.

YOU ARE GREATER.

Greater than my struggles.

Greater than my fears...

You are Lord over all.

I have been reflecting a bit on Thailand and realized that every time I look back the things that stand out most were the hardships... not all that God had done... while I was aware of what He was doing there, I still became intimidated easily.

Then, I thought about my past.

As I look back I see many, many times God has rescued me; yet the sting of fear and painful memories remains. I want to be able to look back with the perspective of, "God you are and always have been greater."

I have seen how the enemy has tried to scare me,  to take my eyes off of the One that stands ready to pick me up and carry me. I refuse to let him distract me with meaningless worries.

I will stand on truth and proclaim His goodness.

"You have overcome the world."

Love and Grace that came to me...

"I was a middle son,

Between two wayward ones.
I was more deserving of my parent's love."

I'm sitting here reflecting on my story and how far God has brought me from that point...
The place where I felt deserving, not because God laid down His life for me, but because I felt "good enough". I was not fully aware of just how much my God had done for me. After reading a passage from Joshua Harris last week, I am amazed! Do you realize he died for every sin ever imagined. When you really think about it, that's incredible!

Not only was he bruised and beaten for every sin, he stands defending each one in intercession. He would gladly stand up for and defend a sinner, someone completely undeserving, all for love.

What other God do we know that would do that for man?

But what is man?


Yet... He lavishes his love upon us, chooses to call us sons and daughters.

Revolutionary... Indestructible... Inseparable LOVE.

The song I quoted at the beginning goes on to say: "I was a Pharisee. I never saw my need for grace. Then Your love it came to me, stood next to mine and I saw that I was poor."

I am finding it important to remember who God is... to take a look at the compassionate, kind, gracious Savior... and to look true love in the eyes, to let Him transform a self-seeking, limited heart into an outward focused heart with unlimited capacity to love. I start remembering things like the fact that I used to think I was "good enough" and remembering my sin, but not to dwell on it, rather to remember that I have been forgiven; to give praise to the One who is deserving. For he who is forgiven much, loves much. Thank goodness I did not stay in that state of pride for long... I couldn't. The Holy Spirit knew that, that would only bring death.

Though, I still have more that I am dealing with in having a heart change, in being renewed and transformed; I rejoice for all that God has done.

Time for takeoff!

A while ago a friend of mine gave me a word:
"The door stands open..."
And while the whole thing was simple and powerful, I didn't quite get the full picture.
"The door stands open, I see you running. Take my hand, I'll lead you through."

What He sees is more than I could ever see... Yet, I'm seeing more now standing here with a greater view.

Tonight I heard the story of an eagle, a great, majestic bird, ruler of the skies; it had been locked up for ten years. The owners decided to free it after those ten years, but when they opened the door it didn't know what to do. It was locked in the invisible cage created by his mind. He would move no further than the only place he knew. But when another eagle flew by and called out the caged bird became a free bird. It took the realization from truth to get that bird out of the cage ( from "Brave Worship" by Jonathan David Helser).

Harriet Tubman once said that she could've freed more slaves if they only realized they were slaves.

It takes an awareness of who you truly are to walk out in the full freedom that you have been given.

You need to know that the truth is you are a child of God and the enemy wants you to believe everything contradictory to that.

We have a Father that created us because He wanted children... He delights in you. He has a plan and a purpose for you.

I am discovering more of my purpose. I know one thing... I will let out a freedom cry, sing the song of truth that the captives are yearning to hear. I am learning to step out of that mental cage and I am going to stop crawling back in it... Cause I am no longer a slave to fear. I am going to believe I am who God says I am and be bold, strong and courageous.

You are beautiful, fearfully and wonderfully made. You are His beloved child, delighted in. I sing a song of freedom, of His love... A song that has always been sung. He placed the planets in motion, set the stars in the sky... He came to Earth as a babe, thought of you and I. He loves you. You were worth it. He believes in you and you are not a slave to fear! You belong to Him!

It has always been...Your love.

When I wake in the morning with a joy I can't explain
As the sunlight peeks through the windows
My heart races with possibilities.

I walk down the street and my heart floods with songs: songs of Your grace.
I see the clouds set so perfectly in the sky, perched in a blue vault, vast and calm.
I begin to ponder about all that You've done for me...
It was the way You thought me out,
It was every moment of perfection made from this brokenness.
It was the splendor of roses, wild flowers, sunsets, and butterflies arranged so beautifully.
It was the way you knew what I liked, what I missed;
A bluebird lighting on a tree,
Not just one, but two, dancing merrily.
You reminded me that You had me in Your hand.
It was the way You showed me I can trust and let go,
The way You surprise me.
You are the only One who knows everything about me.
It was Your love,
Your love that sustained me,
Your love that surrounds me,
Your love that upholds me.
Jesus, it's Your love.
Your love conquers,
Your love sees and knows all,
Your love that is strong.

It's Your love that speaks to hearts and seeps deeper than any wound.
Thank You, it's this love I will never be separated from.