Never looking back.

How have I grown and changed since I have been on outreach, or going back even further, since DTS?

Before, I had been so engrossed in insecurity and fear that I didn't realize how that was affecting my every action. Then God began to speak to me with the words he used for many people in the Bible: "Be strong and courageous." And He added, "Be bold." But what did being bold look like? I learned that, for me, that may be a little different. It didn't necessarily mean being loud all the time, but, rather, was a stepping out even when fear rose up. It meant not being afraid to do things even when others may think it crazy. It meant not backing down.

Part of being strong was this process of beginning to see myself the way that God saw me. Now, I can begin to look past myself, past the insecurity and love others the way that God loves them.

This last week of outreach I want to live to the fullest potential. I want to set the cadence for how I will walk out life on campus and past that. I feel God leading me to the place where "my trust is without borders", when He'll say anything and I'll jump to do what He says; when, instead of counting the cost, I count it all joy.

I have decided that I am not going to go "back to the way that things used to be before His Presence came and changed me". I am moving forward and never looking back.

Life is an adventure...

I close my eyes letting the pastel pinks and navy blues of the sunset settle in my memory. Suddenly, another wave of people head towards me. I take a breath as I begin to pass out New Testaments again. "my-uhn-fayyy," I try my best to pronounce with a big smile as they walk by.

"Am I saying this right?"

Then I remind myself what it is all about. These people may have never had a chance to hear about Christ before, let alone know what a Bible is. This may be there first taste of hope. So, what does it matter if they continue to laugh at me? This could be their last opportunity to get the Word. Who knows when they will ever come in contact with a Christian again?

It's moments like this that I want to make the most of, letting the adrenaline of the unexpected push me forward.

What a blessing to be a part of the ministries I have been working with here. I have learned so much about myself and about the world and working with people. I have learned about the heart of God and about the example that Jesus gave.

Thank You

Yesterday I sat and remembered how one person impacted my life, with one small act.

There was a time when I felt traumatized by fear and there were times when I let it rule me. I still remember that night, sitting in the school cafeteria, fighting to hold back tears. I remember the pain I held inside and the feeling that I could not ever get rid of it. Then, I had trouble seeing past the issues in my life, I was barely hanging on to hope and didn't know how to verbalize what I was feeling.
    
Yet, this friend sat by me and listened. He encouraged me with words that I couldn't quite fully understand at the time, but they were comforting. I couldn't fully understand them because I couldn't imagine getting to the point where I could shout to sin and the things of my past, "You don't own me!"

Hope was on the horizon.

And sometimes all it takes is a friend to give you a word of encouragement; to see from an outside perspective what you can't see. 

Now I am at that point of breakthrough, where my spirit longs to dance and my heart overflows with joy. I can see where God has brought me freedom and the areas that He is still working on. I am so thankful for the people that He has placed in my life to help me and come alongside me on this journey.

And I am reminded of how important it is to share with and encourage one another because I see how this one instance impacted me and helped me hold on to hope. So, I remember not to hold anything back and to love with all I have. I press on, knowing that God will use the freedom He has brought me to help bring freedom to others.