Through her eyes.

Through her eyes,
I see a world that is vivid and full of hope.
In her I see strength,
patience,
and joy.

She may have lost one of the things that we feel we cannot live without, but she is not at all in the dark. My best friend may be blind, but she is aware of many things that you are not.

Sometimes I feel as though I don't see her full potential. I don't realize everything that she is quite capable of on her own. She surprises me with her ability and her wittiness about life. She is one of the strongest and most patient people I know.

I think about how many times on the trip across the country that I talked back or cut off my family as they tried to give me advice for different things; yet, when we would tell her things that I soon realized she already knew, she humbly acknowledged what we were saying. She had gentle and calm responses.

And, though she may go through trials, she keeps joy. She is one of the few people I can talk to about anything and I can't go a conversation without laughing. She has a true Christlikeness about her and is willing to admit that she doesn't know everything yet and that she does not have it all together yet.

Sometimes I wonder as I lead her on my arm, what it must be like to have to trust somebody that much. I think, without a doubt, that it builds a kind of character... the kind of character talked about in Romans 5:

"Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

As I close my eyes, while we drive through these painted hills, I imagine what she envisions as we describe the desert to her. She hangs on every detail and does not merely recite back our description when we talk about it later. Her world is full of beauty, just as mine is. And I would've thought that I would lose so much hope in a situation like that. I imagine what any other person might do in these circumstances. But, like a flower pushing through the hardest soil, she is resilient and thrives. She lets the hardest rain drops roll off of her back and when the harshest rays of the sun come, she stretches her leaves out during challenge. She is not afraid to try new things and she doesn't complain about her circumstances. She continues to hope and trust in the Lord, and she gives me great encouragement as one of my role models.

Looking for Prince Charming

So, what is it with this search for a prince charming? My friend joked around with me the other day about almost picking up a book called "Looking for My Boaz".

It may sound silly or trivial talking about it like that, but inherently as girls and women we are looking for those healthy, right relationships with men. We are searching for men who will affirm our identity and enforce natural beauty found within.

I know for me, I have not had the experiences that some women have, yet I know that some of the ways I have been treated in the past have not been right. It is the power in acknowledging this that fuels the wheels of change in society. It is acknowledging and discussion that gets the ball rolling. We have to be open to share so that people become aware, and for ourselves, for healing.

I am fortunate enough to have wonderful friends, both male and female, who can affirm who I am in Christ and build me up in truth. I have learned so much through the guys who have had an openness, humility and those who have shown what I would say is good old-fashioned chivalry (yes, it does still exist). I have been encouraged that I am his daughter who will do great things. It is just that, we need to know that we were born for greatness, and not just to be minimized to a housewife or somebody's object. We need to know that we have unique gifts and talents that can play a key role in bringing forth His kingdom.

On the other hand, there are some issues that are looked at as solely women's issues, while it is male support that is needed. It takes two sides, unique giftings, and balance to overcome these problems. It takes a unity of people from all races, ethnicities, genders, and backgrounds to help conquer these mountains of sex slavery and child exploitation. Most importantly, it takes a tuning in to the only one who has the power to defeat it all. It takes a tuning into His wildly beating heart, a deep and furious longing that can only be known in certain capacities.

So, Lord, we say,"We want to know you more. Show us the depths of your heart. Show us the reach of Your love. Teach us to love like You love, to focus on the things that You focus on. Break our hearts for what breaks Yours. Let us love like You have loved us. Unite us in Your love and let us head boldly into the unknown, to the places You have called us. Let us trust you with all that we are and listen for Your voice as we press into these dark places. Let Your light shine bright."

All that I am is yours...

...My peace...
...My joy...
...My righteousness...
...My love...

Have it all...

As Jonathan David Helser said, "How many times has my son come to me saying 'Father, I beseech thee! If thee could spare one bit of food from thine cabinet...'?" We don't hear children saying many things like that to their parents because they already know that what the parents own is theirs as well.

Our Father wants to give us good things. He wants to bless us. He wants us to be comfortable in coming to Him. He wants us to know He is listening. I don't know how many times that God has reminded me that He is listening. Just yesterday He spoke a word to me that brought me to tears, knowing I had not cried out in vain. I had spilled out my heart and He said, "I'm listening". There is nothing more comforting than the Father's embrace.

We must never forget all His benefits (Psalm 103) and the sacrifice that Christ made on the cross for us. He laid His life down for a relationship and a partnership. He is completely open to us and wants us to enjoy life with Him. Let's not waste another day holding on to what we're afraid to let go of or waste it selfishly storing away what's been freely given. Let's freely give back what we've been given and let's live in full surrender to the One who gave it all for us.

Because He first loved...
Because He gave His all...
Because He first surrendered everything...
Because He first suffered and took it all for us...

I can love.
I can live.
I can give.
I can surrender all.
I can suffer and take everything,
with His strength, His peace, His love,
surging through my veins,
sustaining me,
with You, Lord,
I can do anything.

Father, You give good gifts.

Nights like these, I just can't sleep...
Like the psalmist, I lie on my bed and meditate.
For all that You've done,
I am ever grateful.
What if I had to spend life climbing
Rung after rung,
A never-ending spiral,
A cycle,
That I could never get myself out of?
Just to reach the top
and find I had still
Fallen short,
Of all that you are:
Perfect,
Holy,
Blameless,
Merciful,
Gracious,
Loving...
Enough to love a wretch like me,
Compelled to save and set me free,
Overwhelmed with a passion to never leave.
You sent Your Son.
He died for me.
Yet, that was not the end...
After you set me free
You made sure I'd never be alone
You couldn't bare to be apart from me.
Now when I'm weak,
You carry me.
Now when I am hungry,
You fill me up.
When I am lost,
You guide me.
When I find myself in the midst of darkness,
You outshine the darkness,
You remind me that I'm not alone.
You empower me.
You encompass and protect me.
Burning within,
You fill me
with a joy this world cannot explain...
My heart cannot contain the love
Exploding from deep inside!

Alice, at last

I seem to have fallen down again,
Tumbled into a hole I can't climb out of.
I go to speak but everyone else is a world away.
I try to think of some other way to reach them
But it feels like I've bumped my head.
No words come out.
So I continue on about my day
This potion is making me move slowly
"Time is ticking," you say
Yet I can't seem to quicken my pace.
Everyone is so happy here,
I join the tea party
Hoping that my joy will be restored.
Laughter and dancing fill the room
I just can't seem to find it in me
To bring myself to participate.
It looks like fun,
And there is a hint,
A faint memory
Of what used to be.
A girl that enjoyed and readily did these sorts of things.

I roamed far like this
Searching for a way back
To the place I had come from,
Yet I found myself deep in a dark forest
Where the laughter of the mockingbird grew.
There was no hope in sight.
Then I looked up
And I found...
You.
With a gentleness about You,
You spoke to me.
You led me and guided me,
But most of all You were the best companion I could have ever had.
You readied me for battle
And when the battle came
You were there.
As I moved swift and bold
With a courage none had seen
I remembered everything You said and it kept me alive.
With every moment I looked forward to simply being with You forever.
Though the dragon was big and fierce,
I saw past its tough facade.
With a double-edged sword raised high
I looked it in the eyes,
And told it to go.
Shocked it turned away
But it was too late...
It met its fate.
Then I turned to see You standing there,
With a look of contentment you stared.
"Alice, at last."
You had seen it all along,
What I was afraid was gone.
With You...
And only with You
I know that I can make it through.

YOU ARE GREATER.

Greater than my struggles.

Greater than my fears...

You are Lord over all.

I have been reflecting a bit on Thailand and realized that every time I look back the things that stand out most were the hardships... not all that God had done... while I was aware of what He was doing there, I still became intimidated easily.

Then, I thought about my past.

As I look back I see many, many times God has rescued me; yet the sting of fear and painful memories remains. I want to be able to look back with the perspective of, "God you are and always have been greater."

I have seen how the enemy has tried to scare me,  to take my eyes off of the One that stands ready to pick me up and carry me. I refuse to let him distract me with meaningless worries.

I will stand on truth and proclaim His goodness.

"You have overcome the world."

Love and Grace that came to me...

"I was a middle son,

Between two wayward ones.
I was more deserving of my parent's love."

I'm sitting here reflecting on my story and how far God has brought me from that point...
The place where I felt deserving, not because God laid down His life for me, but because I felt "good enough". I was not fully aware of just how much my God had done for me. After reading a passage from Joshua Harris last week, I am amazed! Do you realize he died for every sin ever imagined. When you really think about it, that's incredible!

Not only was he bruised and beaten for every sin, he stands defending each one in intercession. He would gladly stand up for and defend a sinner, someone completely undeserving, all for love.

What other God do we know that would do that for man?

But what is man?


Yet... He lavishes his love upon us, chooses to call us sons and daughters.

Revolutionary... Indestructible... Inseparable LOVE.

The song I quoted at the beginning goes on to say: "I was a Pharisee. I never saw my need for grace. Then Your love it came to me, stood next to mine and I saw that I was poor."

I am finding it important to remember who God is... to take a look at the compassionate, kind, gracious Savior... and to look true love in the eyes, to let Him transform a self-seeking, limited heart into an outward focused heart with unlimited capacity to love. I start remembering things like the fact that I used to think I was "good enough" and remembering my sin, but not to dwell on it, rather to remember that I have been forgiven; to give praise to the One who is deserving. For he who is forgiven much, loves much. Thank goodness I did not stay in that state of pride for long... I couldn't. The Holy Spirit knew that, that would only bring death.

Though, I still have more that I am dealing with in having a heart change, in being renewed and transformed; I rejoice for all that God has done.