What are we waiting for?

Sink or swim I'm divin' in where the river starts rushin'
Where my hearts start beating
For the rhythms of the testing and the songs of the trials
I will live to cry out to You, sung with hope inside my eyes

Sink or swim I'm diving in
To the passing of Your heart where love starts

(Give Me A Song- Will Reagan & United Pursuit Band)

It's where the river starts rushing, where my heart beats wildly to the drum of His heart. It's the paradox between jumping out into raging waters, going deep and becoming lost in His tender embrace. Though I am leaving the comfort of all I know, I know that I'm not in this alone.

I know that He promised that He'll never leave nor forsake me.

I know that I was created for more, much more.

I know that I cannot stay here, in complacency.

He's calling me, out on the waters with Him... out to the deep places to experience Him in ways that I would never have been able to from the comfort of my home.

Where will I go? What will this look like? How will this all come to be?

I don't know.

But I know that He's good, and that He's ever with me.

Dream big, you were meant and made for so much more!

Breaking through the clouds...

How do I describe what happened today?

God placed a deep assurance in my heart,
He reminded me that I have a purpose,
and, not only that, but there is great vision for my life.

The fact that a mere, undeserving woman like me can be used as His vessel for great things blows me away! My friend helped affirm these things today. It was so great to talk to him and be able to relate in ways that I can't with other people. It's like when soldiers come alongside each other with their shields and make a barrier. We are linking arms pressing forward, no matter the struggle. I have been so grateful for the people God has placed in my life. Today I was reminded that I am God's beloved daughter and that feelings are not the basis of reality, that I need to hold on to truth.

Some things that have been spoken to me before were reaffirmed. I write them here as a reminder that I can hold on to; when doubt and unbelief set in, I can remember what God has told me and the truth that He speaks.

I am going to reach the nations.

He will use my voice to make an impact.

He will use me as an advocate, a voice for the voiceless.

He loves me.

I am His. His beloved daughter. Princess. Valued and cherished.

He is preparing me for something even greater than what I have faced now;

and that in turn will help others find their way to Him.

Perfectly done. (birthday preview)

 Like a painter dabbing the last bits of paint on the canvas, then taking a step back, He watches the commotion in the hospital room. She's clenching her fists, gasping for air, and remembering her promise. There will be no cursing, no signs of rage... though it is a time of great pain, this is a time of rejoicing and celebration... a time for new life. And just as creation in Romans 8 rejoices at the experience of incomparable glory, she starts to praise the Lord. A smile begins to form as the last bit of wincing fades from her face and the doctors hand her, her new baby girl; the precious gift that God knitted and formed for such a time as this...

It is for such a time as this that I was born. Raised to be an advocate, a voice that cries out in defense of innocent lives, a worshiper, a musician, a poet, a faithful friend, a girl that observes the world in a way unique to her God-given perspective, one who is able to draw people to see the kingdom that is not at all far beyond our reach.

Today is the celebration of 24 years of a wonderful life...19 of those years spent in the joy of knowing Jesus Christ as my Savior. And this blog post, like this day, is to fulfill the purpose of celebrating me, as His precious creation. I do this, not to boast about myself or any accomplishments of my own, but to acknowledge what He has done for me, in me and through me.

I used to have things about myself that annoyed me. I used to search for acceptance in the people around me. I used to identify myself with illness and my failures.

That is no longer me.

There came a day when He spoke the clearest, yet most gentle words that he has ever spoken to me. It was one of those days, one of those times when I went to pray for one thing and got a completely different and unexpected response from God.

"God, this is something I've wondered for so long. I believe You can heal me, despite what anyone else says. I believe that You're more than able. Does that mean I should just rely on You for my health concerns? Let me know what to do, I'll trust You, God..."

Silence, preceded by a wave of peace was what immediately followed. 

"I made you perfect inside and out."

And with that the first of about four tears took a dive for the wooden table that my head had hung over. These weren't the bitter, cold tears that cut deep as they roll down; but these were warm tears that soothed with each bit of sweetness that hit my mouth.

That was the day that I knew there was no more need for striving, no need for believing the condemnation and lies.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am His. 

In the words of Shawn McDonald... 

I am perfectly done.

I know what Love sees when Love sees me.

 

Thank You, Jesus, for Your sacrifice; set long before the world was formed.
Thank You God for making me,
for choosing me,

for loving me.

Set the captives free!

Last night I went to an event to help raise awareness about human trafficking in the area. As the officials spoke about the tragedy of this issue, I began to hold back tears... I couldn't fathom the amount of pain that this was causing and I couldn't stop thinking about the women in Thailand... my friends that I had cherished many memories of. I wondered where they were now. Were they somewhere at a bar across the world, still struggling to hang on?

There are faces to this struggle and now that I have them ever so etched in my mind, I know I must fight for them. Not only are there my friends, but there are so many men, women, boys, and girls being held captive and deceived across the nation and the world. I have felt the weight of deception and held the wounds that are left long after manipulation. I have been deceived to think that I was held captive by fear and condemnation; and I have been openly lied to by ones that I love.

I have decided that I will not let the discouragement and despair of these circumstances control my life and make me lose sight of hope. I will hold on to hope and with joy, I will run to set the captives free!

"I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances, to say to the captives, 'Come out,' and to those in darkness, 'Be free!' " -Isaiah 49:8-9

Eye of the Storm

There have been some big, exciting, yet tough transitions made in my life recently. Sometimes when you move so fast like this, it's hard to stop moving. It becomes difficult to get thoughts to settle and to sift out the worries amongst the joys and new sights taken in.

And when I stop to think, all I can think of is how far from home I am.

As everything swirls around me in a whirlwind of excitement and newness, I become afraid at what I've gotten myself in to.

What am I doing here?







Then, with such reassurance, I am reminded that:

I belong here.

That anchor, amidst the raging seas won't let me go, won't let me stray too far. Then, like a flood rushing in, I remember all that You've done for me and all that You brought me through; how everything was so perfectly orchestrated... though it may have felt like I was stumbling along, You carefully guided my steps and never overwhelmed me with too much. You lit my paths and worked everything together for my good. Never was I abandoned, never did You forsake me. You calmed the wind and the waves around me. Even when I began to lose trust, You reminded me that You were right here and that it's all in Your control.