Tonight, as I sat on the beach looking at the stars I felt small compared to the expanse before me. I looked up at the clouds covering the moon and thought about where I was. I was far from home, I knew that well. I watched the lights from houses nestled in the rocks glimmer on the water below. "Did you ever think that this would be where you would be at this age?" A friend questioned leaning forward to search for our eyes in the night.
It is questions like this that never cease to amaze me. Where did I think I would be at this age? What did I think I would be like?
When I was younger I wanted to be a veterinarian or a marine biologist. One day I would be out sailing the seas. Or maybe I would have a family and kids. I thought this was the age that sort of thing happened. Now I am learning it takes a lot to have a family of your own by watching other families with adult eyes.
One thing is for sure... I never thought I would be here now. I never knew that I would be so blessed. I have come so far, carried on my Father's arms. I see His hand in so much of my life. Yet, looking back on it is like looking at these stars. I can only see the portion sitting in front of me. It's beautiful, but grand... Too grand and incomprehensible. I sit in awe of the part of the sky that I can see but God, who holds it all, is the only one who can fully appreciate it in all of its magnitude. He sees me and He looks at the stretch of my life and He says it's beautiful. He sees the full picture and He assures me keep Your eyes on Me and I will step you through. Constantly, He reminds me that He is with me. Seek Me and you will find Me, child, He says. You need not fear, I am with you, today and always.
First.
Your love came first.
Before there were rules,
agendas and even plans.
Now,
"Was it my broken heart that lead me straight to You?
Was it your broken hands that I can not refuse?
Was it my emptiness or was it your empty tomb that pointed me home, pointed
Me home, to you?"
It was Your love, the way that You sought me out, the way that you pursued me. You called me out. You said this one's mine. You waited at the door of my heart until I let you in.
I'm falling more in love, discovering more about your grace. I'm learning that there is nothing in the world that I could've done and nothing that I can do to make you love me more or less. I'm finding that when You say that You'll never leave, though there may be times when you feel far away, You will never leave my side.
Your grace is so beautiful. I stand amazed. Your love is enough for me, Jesus. Thank you that you saved me. That you came for me. I could never repay you for all that You've done and You say, "Just receive, just receive. Receive my love and grace."
You took my place... and that is more than anything I could ever ask for.