It has always been...Your love.

When I wake in the morning with a joy I can't explain
As the sunlight peeks through the windows
My heart races with possibilities.

I walk down the street and my heart floods with songs: songs of Your grace.
I see the clouds set so perfectly in the sky, perched in a blue vault, vast and calm.
I begin to ponder about all that You've done for me...
It was the way You thought me out,
It was every moment of perfection made from this brokenness.
It was the splendor of roses, wild flowers, sunsets, and butterflies arranged so beautifully.
It was the way you knew what I liked, what I missed;
A bluebird lighting on a tree,
Not just one, but two, dancing merrily.
You reminded me that You had me in Your hand.
It was the way You showed me I can trust and let go,
The way You surprise me.
You are the only One who knows everything about me.
It was Your love,
Your love that sustained me,
Your love that surrounds me,
Your love that upholds me.
Jesus, it's Your love.
Your love conquers,
Your love sees and knows all,
Your love that is strong.

It's Your love that speaks to hearts and seeps deeper than any wound.
Thank You, it's this love I will never be separated from.

I need You more.

"I need You more than this breath I'm breathing, more than this feeling I'm feeling inside me. Without You, Lord, I am dead and hopeless. You're the only love that puts life in me." -Great Awakening

As I went about this crazy last week of classes I caught myself saying, "I don't have enough time right now" or "I guess I'll have to wait until later" when it came to time spent with the Lord.

The truth was... when would I find time if my sole desire was not to spend time with the Lord?

Yes, I may have thought that was my earnest intent; but if I had the desperation of Zacheus or the woman reaching for Jesus' hem in the midst of a crowd, I would make the time. If I was genuine in wanting to spend time with the One I love I wouldn't have just gone through the motions and said "that seems enough".

Now, I'm finding myself at the point near tears, apologizing to a Savior who so gently comforts me. These tears well up because He has given everything for me. He is the most gracious and loving of fathers and He is always there to comfort me. He waits for me to turn to Him, not just in times of need but to laugh with Him, to talk to Him, to tell Him my dreams and desires. Time spent with Him is precious and I want to take advantage of it.

I need You more.

More than the things that seem so important and vital,

You are my heartbeat.

You give me the strength to tackle these monstrous giants,

To scale these walls,

To move these mountains.

And now I hear you calling me,

"Where are you?"

I will skip through the garden to Your side

Anxious to hear what You have to say.

Envelop me in your love and grace

Let me look up into Your eyes,

Those eyes that pierce like light through a churning fog,

Those eyes that soothe like the sound of rain on a tin roof.

I want to be lost in Your love.

Pray...

without ceasing.

And without thinking the words burst forth.

It was one of those "aha!" moments where something that I have known caught fire and began to burst in the flame of passion that comes with revelation. I was talking with a friend about prayer and asking how I could better support her. I admitted with honesty that I had not prayed for her since the event I was praying about ended. Yet, I have realized that because one prayer is answered or there seems to be no dire need, that is no reason to stop praying.

"Why should we stop praying when the enemy doesn't ever stop?"

Those were the words that rang in my mind after they left my lips. We had just talked about unity and the picture came to mind of soldiers in disarray. If one wants to do this, and one wants to do that instead of following the orders of the commander, or even waiting to see what the orders are, what will ever be accomplished? And, furthermore, what injuries will occur?

We need to first lay ourselves aside and tune in to what God is doing, His heart, and hear the things that He is saying. We need to take the same passion that we place in so many other things and PRAY. God desires wholehearted petitions. No matter the eloquence or word choice, when we pray with a passion and with a deep concern something shifts. It is the hand of God. He is there waiting for us to cry out, searching for one, just one to stand in the gap. We could be one of those worldchangers that the Bible describes, moving God's heart with the words of one cry.

I have heard countless stories and I have my own of lives being changed through just one prayer. There have been stories of huge events in history, or shall I say well-known events (for nothing is too big for our God), with a big turning point that happened because of people's prayers. Politicians have been influenced through interactions with people that prayed for an opportunity to reach out to them. I, myself, have seen my prayers answered with a swiftness I did not expect. They were always simple, yet earnest prayers. Things in my own life that seemed impossible by the world's standards but, as I said before, they are not impossible with my God.

Sometimes I think that I struggle with going through routines and doing things because I know that I need to, but what would happen if I changed my mentality to one of partnering with the Great Intercessor? What if I had the persistence that matched the urgency of the issues at hand?

This life is more than just going through the motions and it is more than satisfying a need for things or even love and attention. It is a battle, a restoring of a kingdom, a rescuing of the lost and a healing of the broken. In this grand adventure prayer is key.

The vast expanse

Tonight, as I sat on the beach looking at the stars I felt small compared to the expanse before me. I looked up at the clouds covering the moon and thought about where I was. I was far from home, I knew that well. I watched the lights from houses nestled in the rocks glimmer on the water below. "Did you ever think that this would be where you would be at this age?" A friend questioned leaning forward to search for our eyes in the night.

It is questions like this that never cease to amaze me. Where did I think I would be at this age? What did I think I would be like?
When I was younger I wanted to be a veterinarian or a marine biologist. One day I would be out sailing the seas. Or maybe I would have a family and kids. I thought this was the age that sort of thing happened. Now I am learning it takes a lot to have a family of your own by watching other families with adult eyes.

One thing is for sure... I never thought I would be here now. I never knew that I would be so blessed. I have come so far, carried on my Father's arms. I see His hand in so much of my life. Yet, looking back on it is like looking at these stars. I can only see the portion sitting in front of me. It's beautiful, but grand... Too grand and incomprehensible. I sit in awe of the part of the sky that I can see but God, who holds it all, is the only one who can fully appreciate it in all of its magnitude. He sees me and He looks at the stretch of my life and He says it's beautiful. He sees the full picture and He assures me keep Your eyes on Me and I will step you through. Constantly, He reminds me that He is with me. Seek Me and you will find Me, child, He says. You need not fear, I am with you, today and always.

You loved me...

First.

Your love came first.

Before the world began,

Before there were rules,

agendas and even plans.

Now,

"Was it my broken heart that lead me straight to You?
Was it your broken hands that I can not refuse?
Was it my emptiness or was it your empty tomb that pointed me home, pointed
Me home, to you?"

It was Your love, the way that You sought me out, the way that you pursued me. You called me out. You said this one's mine. You waited at the door of my heart until I let you in. 

I'm falling more in love, discovering more about your grace. I'm learning that there is nothing in the world that I could've done and nothing that I can do to make you love me more or less. I'm finding that when You say that You'll never leave, though there may be times when you feel far away, You will never leave my side. 

Your grace is so beautiful. I stand amazed. Your love is enough for me, Jesus. Thank you that you saved me. That you came for me. I could never repay you for all that You've done and You say, "Just receive, just receive. Receive my love and grace." 

You took my place... and that is more than anything I could ever ask for.

Joy unspeakable... and full of glory.

I don't know how He does it...

Makes me smile from ear to ear

As I tramp around campus

Determined to please Him.

And when worries come along

"you steady my heart".

You're always there

the Constant that keeps it beating.

I don't deserve this,

But You are so good to me.

Jesus,

How do I express...

How do I confess...

My deep love and desire for You?

Oh, how I've missed this,

this bliss.

You are the joy radiating from my smile.

The very rays of the sun.

Jesus, You are...

Lovely.

In You...

...every fear, insecurity, and care melts away.

When Your love fills my heart,

my shortcomings and failures,

whatever You would call them,

they fade in the inexpressible, glorious sea of Your grace.

Lord,  I'm amazed

at the way You care for me...

the way You love me.

I love You dearly.

Please cover me in Your peace

that surpasses all that we could ever know and understand.

He said...

Do you know the way you move me...

When I look in your eyes?

Do you know what I see?

Do you see the way I rejoice over you!

When you reach for me,

When you sing and sing,

When you dance without restraint,

When you speak in confidence...

When you feel you've fallen,

When you're in a place that you can't see the light,

I am there in the midst,

In the midst of your struggle.

Do you know...

"...afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not 

forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed..." (2 Cor. 4:8-9)

Do you know that I will never leave you,

that I've never left you,

never once stepped away from your side?

I feel the pain as every tear falls from your eye.


You were created for love

Created for joy,

Created for life,

Created for such a moment as this;

Spend it here with me.

Let me give you life.

I wanna live every day like...

...it was my last. Even if it were my very last day spent with you, I can joyfully say that right now I am satisfied with the last twenty four hours spent with you and that, that is how I would like my every day to be.

Today started out like any other day:

1. I woke up.

2. I had not enough time to spend with you. And it wasn't seeming to work out how I had kept planning it to be.

… but wait… I stopped. I stopped to spend time with you. I sacrificed time I knew I could be spending with a friend and chose to spend it with you. That is what you desire, my time, my heart, all of me… just as I am.

Then, I missed chapel, the place where I was supposed to experience you the most. Or, so I thought…

I procrastinated on homework to the point I had to miss a class and finish my major assignments during the class period.

(But wait… before you start to judge me, let me state my case and why I believe there was a turn around to my day)

I’ve always known that God “desires mercy, not sacrifice”, that He looks at the heart. And there was a moment when I discovered that since “nothing was hidden from His sight” and I had chosen to spend the moments of my day that I could’ve decided to worry with Him instead, things turned out very differently than they would’ve if I had not chosen to keep my eyes on Him. As I worked on homework and read the Scriptures for class, something began to stir in my heart. Just as I prayed many times before to see this reading as not only another time to read His Word, but to dig deep; His Holy Spirit began speaking and leading me through. Words jumped off the page, and my passion was reignited.

That wasn’t the only prayer answered today. I began to pray for those around me, trusting that God had the ability to move in their lives using the words He lead me to pray. I no longer worried about praying seemingly repetitive things. I was talking  with my Daddy, my Comforter, my Provider… the good and faithful God.

And as the day draws to an end (and really while another one begins) my heart is full to overflow. I pray that I may be a blessing to those around me tomorrow and that I am able to, with an ever-increasing glory, reflect my Father and Savior in all that I do.

Focus.

How do I describe what has happened in the last few days?

It always seems to be best when it spills out in the excitement and joy that comes from knowing His goodness.

After a summer of discovering more about my Father and who I was in Christ Jesus, I stepped into a land of giants. Just after finding out more about my purpose, my calling, and about being confident in who God made me to be, I had to stand before these monsters. They taunted me with things like, "where is your God now?" And I began to believe He was distant. Though He stayed coaching me and cheering me on, His voice was drowned out as I began to change my focus to these jeers.

Trust me.

My grace is sufficient.

"Sarah, you know me. I'm right here. I've never left You."

I can hear Him now as I rest in His embrace.

And now it all makes sense. As I start to look back at the number of times He seemed to say, "Look up, Sarah, look at me." Maybe that's why I had to have two people tell me in two separate times of prayer that they saw a vision of Jesus right in front of me, face-to-face. Jesus so desperately wanted me to know He was right there and that He never left my side. Furthermore, He wanted me to know that I should fix my gaze on Him and let everything else fade from my sight.

I still can't get over His amazing grace, mercy and care.

He continues to show up in my life in ways that I never would've imagined and I love it. O, how I love my Jesus!

Take a look from up here...(flying high)

So many things have happened since DTS. Sometimes it feels like not so much has happened. And the world keeps spinning on past me. If I let it, it flies by in a whirlwind of colors and tests and schoolwork and events to attend. Then I remind myself or the Holy Spirit, rather, calls to me closer to Jesus, calls me to fix my eyes on Him. It is then I remember that who He has made me to be, that He made me new. And not only that, but He is making me new. He saved me, he called me and delivered me from sin and death. Yet, there is that process of sanctification. That is the beauty of his gift of salvation, the indescribable process and experience of getting to know Him and becoming more like Him.

And so I ask myself, "What has been standing in the way of me being completely moldable?" I want to stay in that continual state of brokeness, being His humble servant and vessel.

I know that surely nothing can separate me from Your love. And that Your love truly casts out fear. I know that Your Spirit lives in me, and where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty. Freedom from fear. I know that You have set me free from sin and death, so why do I act like it still tethers me to the ground when I was made to fly? What is it that breaks a spirit, like the baby elephant that has every capability of being free? If only we knew our capacity! He said greater things we will do... how can we achieve those things if we never set our sights on the impossible? take our dreams to new levels? We know that nothing is impossible for our great God. We must look beyond the constraints of our limitations. Believe in what He sees; what He saw in you from the beginning. Learn to love without boundaries. Take risks, even if it means dying. For the One who gave it all came to be an example for all. We have to give everything for the sake of sharing the Good News, to show the world just who our loving God is, to share the love of Christ.

Don't live life in fear. Take a step outside. Enjoy the sunshine. And, above all... break free and fly!

What are we waiting for?

Sink or swim I'm divin' in where the river starts rushin'
Where my hearts start beating
For the rhythms of the testing and the songs of the trials
I will live to cry out to You, sung with hope inside my eyes

Sink or swim I'm diving in
To the passing of Your heart where love starts

(Give Me A Song- Will Reagan & United Pursuit Band)

It's where the river starts rushing, where my heart beats wildly to the drum of His heart. It's the paradox between jumping out into raging waters, going deep and becoming lost in His tender embrace. Though I am leaving the comfort of all I know, I know that I'm not in this alone.

I know that He promised that He'll never leave nor forsake me.

I know that I was created for more, much more.

I know that I cannot stay here, in complacency.

He's calling me, out on the waters with Him... out to the deep places to experience Him in ways that I would never have been able to from the comfort of my home.

Where will I go? What will this look like? How will this all come to be?

I don't know.

But I know that He's good, and that He's ever with me.

Dream big, you were meant and made for so much more!

Breaking through the clouds...

How do I describe what happened today?

God placed a deep assurance in my heart,
He reminded me that I have a purpose,
and, not only that, but there is great vision for my life.

The fact that a mere, undeserving woman like me can be used as His vessel for great things blows me away! My friend helped affirm these things today. It was so great to talk to him and be able to relate in ways that I can't with other people. It's like when soldiers come alongside each other with their shields and make a barrier. We are linking arms pressing forward, no matter the struggle. I have been so grateful for the people God has placed in my life. Today I was reminded that I am God's beloved daughter and that feelings are not the basis of reality, that I need to hold on to truth.

Some things that have been spoken to me before were reaffirmed. I write them here as a reminder that I can hold on to; when doubt and unbelief set in, I can remember what God has told me and the truth that He speaks.

I am going to reach the nations.

He will use my voice to make an impact.

He will use me as an advocate, a voice for the voiceless.

He loves me.

I am His. His beloved daughter. Princess. Valued and cherished.

He is preparing me for something even greater than what I have faced now;

and that in turn will help others find their way to Him.

Perfectly done. (birthday preview)

 Like a painter dabbing the last bits of paint on the canvas, then taking a step back, He watches the commotion in the hospital room. She's clenching her fists, gasping for air, and remembering her promise. There will be no cursing, no signs of rage... though it is a time of great pain, this is a time of rejoicing and celebration... a time for new life. And just as creation in Romans 8 rejoices at the experience of incomparable glory, she starts to praise the Lord. A smile begins to form as the last bit of wincing fades from her face and the doctors hand her, her new baby girl; the precious gift that God knitted and formed for such a time as this...

It is for such a time as this that I was born. Raised to be an advocate, a voice that cries out in defense of innocent lives, a worshiper, a musician, a poet, a faithful friend, a girl that observes the world in a way unique to her God-given perspective, one who is able to draw people to see the kingdom that is not at all far beyond our reach.

Today is the celebration of 24 years of a wonderful life...19 of those years spent in the joy of knowing Jesus Christ as my Savior. And this blog post, like this day, is to fulfill the purpose of celebrating me, as His precious creation. I do this, not to boast about myself or any accomplishments of my own, but to acknowledge what He has done for me, in me and through me.

I used to have things about myself that annoyed me. I used to search for acceptance in the people around me. I used to identify myself with illness and my failures.

That is no longer me.

There came a day when He spoke the clearest, yet most gentle words that he has ever spoken to me. It was one of those days, one of those times when I went to pray for one thing and got a completely different and unexpected response from God.

"God, this is something I've wondered for so long. I believe You can heal me, despite what anyone else says. I believe that You're more than able. Does that mean I should just rely on You for my health concerns? Let me know what to do, I'll trust You, God..."

Silence, preceded by a wave of peace was what immediately followed. 

"I made you perfect inside and out."

And with that the first of about four tears took a dive for the wooden table that my head had hung over. These weren't the bitter, cold tears that cut deep as they roll down; but these were warm tears that soothed with each bit of sweetness that hit my mouth.

That was the day that I knew there was no more need for striving, no need for believing the condemnation and lies.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am His. 

In the words of Shawn McDonald... 

I am perfectly done.

I know what Love sees when Love sees me.

 

Thank You, Jesus, for Your sacrifice; set long before the world was formed.
Thank You God for making me,
for choosing me,

for loving me.

Set the captives free!

Last night I went to an event to help raise awareness about human trafficking in the area. As the officials spoke about the tragedy of this issue, I began to hold back tears... I couldn't fathom the amount of pain that this was causing and I couldn't stop thinking about the women in Thailand... my friends that I had cherished many memories of. I wondered where they were now. Were they somewhere at a bar across the world, still struggling to hang on?

There are faces to this struggle and now that I have them ever so etched in my mind, I know I must fight for them. Not only are there my friends, but there are so many men, women, boys, and girls being held captive and deceived across the nation and the world. I have felt the weight of deception and held the wounds that are left long after manipulation. I have been deceived to think that I was held captive by fear and condemnation; and I have been openly lied to by ones that I love.

I have decided that I will not let the discouragement and despair of these circumstances control my life and make me lose sight of hope. I will hold on to hope and with joy, I will run to set the captives free!

"I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land and to reassign its desolate inheritances, to say to the captives, 'Come out,' and to those in darkness, 'Be free!' " -Isaiah 49:8-9

Eye of the Storm

There have been some big, exciting, yet tough transitions made in my life recently. Sometimes when you move so fast like this, it's hard to stop moving. It becomes difficult to get thoughts to settle and to sift out the worries amongst the joys and new sights taken in.

And when I stop to think, all I can think of is how far from home I am.

As everything swirls around me in a whirlwind of excitement and newness, I become afraid at what I've gotten myself in to.

What am I doing here?







Then, with such reassurance, I am reminded that:

I belong here.

That anchor, amidst the raging seas won't let me go, won't let me stray too far. Then, like a flood rushing in, I remember all that You've done for me and all that You brought me through; how everything was so perfectly orchestrated... though it may have felt like I was stumbling along, You carefully guided my steps and never overwhelmed me with too much. You lit my paths and worked everything together for my good. Never was I abandoned, never did You forsake me. You calmed the wind and the waves around me. Even when I began to lose trust, You reminded me that You were right here and that it's all in Your control.

This is only the beginning...

The beginning of a journey marked with challenges,
but promising growth and great joy;
The great joy of knowing that it's all for the Lord,
serving,
embracing the moments,
laughing,
loving,
falling more in love,
seizing opportunities,
not holding back,
pressing on, moving forward,
holding on to memories, but sifting out regrets.

I know that He has great plans for me, to prosper me, and not to harm me...I know that this is not the end of great things, but just the beginning.

Never looking back.

How have I grown and changed since I have been on outreach, or going back even further, since DTS?

Before, I had been so engrossed in insecurity and fear that I didn't realize how that was affecting my every action. Then God began to speak to me with the words he used for many people in the Bible: "Be strong and courageous." And He added, "Be bold." But what did being bold look like? I learned that, for me, that may be a little different. It didn't necessarily mean being loud all the time, but, rather, was a stepping out even when fear rose up. It meant not being afraid to do things even when others may think it crazy. It meant not backing down.

Part of being strong was this process of beginning to see myself the way that God saw me. Now, I can begin to look past myself, past the insecurity and love others the way that God loves them.

This last week of outreach I want to live to the fullest potential. I want to set the cadence for how I will walk out life on campus and past that. I feel God leading me to the place where "my trust is without borders", when He'll say anything and I'll jump to do what He says; when, instead of counting the cost, I count it all joy.

I have decided that I am not going to go "back to the way that things used to be before His Presence came and changed me". I am moving forward and never looking back.

Life is an adventure...

I close my eyes letting the pastel pinks and navy blues of the sunset settle in my memory. Suddenly, another wave of people head towards me. I take a breath as I begin to pass out New Testaments again. "my-uhn-fayyy," I try my best to pronounce with a big smile as they walk by.

"Am I saying this right?"

Then I remind myself what it is all about. These people may have never had a chance to hear about Christ before, let alone know what a Bible is. This may be there first taste of hope. So, what does it matter if they continue to laugh at me? This could be their last opportunity to get the Word. Who knows when they will ever come in contact with a Christian again?

It's moments like this that I want to make the most of, letting the adrenaline of the unexpected push me forward.

What a blessing to be a part of the ministries I have been working with here. I have learned so much about myself and about the world and working with people. I have learned about the heart of God and about the example that Jesus gave.

Thank You

Yesterday I sat and remembered how one person impacted my life, with one small act.

There was a time when I felt traumatized by fear and there were times when I let it rule me. I still remember that night, sitting in the school cafeteria, fighting to hold back tears. I remember the pain I held inside and the feeling that I could not ever get rid of it. Then, I had trouble seeing past the issues in my life, I was barely hanging on to hope and didn't know how to verbalize what I was feeling.
    
Yet, this friend sat by me and listened. He encouraged me with words that I couldn't quite fully understand at the time, but they were comforting. I couldn't fully understand them because I couldn't imagine getting to the point where I could shout to sin and the things of my past, "You don't own me!"

Hope was on the horizon.

And sometimes all it takes is a friend to give you a word of encouragement; to see from an outside perspective what you can't see. 

Now I am at that point of breakthrough, where my spirit longs to dance and my heart overflows with joy. I can see where God has brought me freedom and the areas that He is still working on. I am so thankful for the people that He has placed in my life to help me and come alongside me on this journey.

And I am reminded of how important it is to share with and encourage one another because I see how this one instance impacted me and helped me hold on to hope. So, I remember not to hold anything back and to love with all I have. I press on, knowing that God will use the freedom He has brought me to help bring freedom to others.

Greater is the One.

We sat and watched the sun set over Bangkok, straining to catch a glimpse of Bang Na or Old Bangkok in the distance. For what seemed like miles, towering apartment and business buildings stretched into the haze of the horizon.

            Coming here Bangkok, with its shopping malls and smiling faces, seemed grand and picture perfect. Then I began to notice the spirit houses and idols everywhere. And I realized that the smiles were just hiding what was really going on. The vast land of Bangkok, our mission field, soon became a giant with grander proportions than Goliath after we walked in the Red Light District.

            Yet, as we sat at the table with the ministry leader preparing for outreach in the bars I began to realize what I, myself, had tried to explain to a volunteer earlier that day: in these dark areas we have to hold on to hope for those caught in the darkness. Our God is hurting and fighting for them and He chose us to be His very examples of love. The leader prayed that I would, in my discernment and growing spiritual awareness, not forget God’s greatness and the victory He has.

            After we prayed and she blessed us, we were off. We were on a mission to reach out to an individual who had relapsed and gone back into the bars. I was overjoyed to be able to show one person just how much he meant to God and that he was not forgotten, but what happened next was unexpected. We ended up getting the wrong person. He did not speak much English. Though communication was strained, I know one thing: we showed one person just how much he meant to God and that he was not forgotten.

            When we left the bar, we began to pray for the people entering the bars and watched God’s hand sweep down and win battles in front of our eyes. It was the war of temptation over man’s heart. Men began to peek in bars then walk away, out of the plaza. Some didn’t even get as far as the bar door. I smiled and jumped for joy as I saw victories in the battle over lives. Though there were many people there that night, the ones who did leave and the potential people who could’ve been affected by the men who left, I began to see a ray of hope peek through the clouds over Bangkok.

The overflow of a brokenheart... a heart broken for Thailand.

Ever since the Lord ignited a spark in my heart for justice, when He gave me an immense love for Africa, I longed to go there and help create change. And when I arrived in Sierra Leone, it took everything within me to stay calm as we passed by orphanages and amputees, knowing that I was just there to visit family and didn't have any time or means to serve. After I left I dreamed of going to the orange dust streets of Uganda. Every shirt I saw with Africa, every espresso-colored face that passed by, and every movie or time Africa was mentioned, my heart skipped and I imagined myself there again. There I would sit on the porch of my grandpa's house watching the people pass by as I looked up from my sketchpad, where an outline of a lizard sat smudged with charcoal.

Now, I sit and watch as motorcycles drive through the streets of Bangkok. I remember joking with my friends about where my outreach might be when I first found out that I was going to discipleship training school and I never thought I would be going to Asia. Yet, as I stepped out into the airport there was such a joy and sense of peace that filled my heart. I don't think it is as much the land I am stepping on or the bit of air surrounding me that had an effect, but it was the people... the people and their sweet and gentle spirits... their kind hearts.
I don't know why, even at "home" (Sierra Leone), I didn't feel the way I do now. I do know one thing, it is the feeling of living in God's will... living out what He has called me to. It is the comfortability of fitting into that place that had been waiting for me; like a puzzle waiting for its last piece. Nothing could be more perfect than this. Already, fear has been washed away as I went to help teach English to over 200 Thai people. I had the joy of knowing that God was with me through it all and the love that overflowed from my heart that God had poured into me. This was months of prayer answered and played out in front of me. There was no feeling of trying in my own strength, it came simple and easy with the love that God gave me.

If this is only the beginning here in Thailand... I can't wait to see what God wants to do next here. He has soo much in store for the people here and I know that His light is going to flood through and pour into this place of spiritual darkness. His love and heart are so grand for these people. They have so much to contribute to the kingdom and I am praying for his children to be reconciled to Him.

Glory. Glory in the highest.

Take a look around you.

You will see...
the grass, sprinkled and adorned with flowers and shimmering with morning dew... butterflies lighting on delicate blossoms...

Look at the food on your plate...
colorful, satisfying, refreshing and delightful.

Look at the birds in the sky...
soaring high and majestic, singing out of the bursting joy in their hearts, gently caring for their young and not worrying about whether or not there is enough to eat for the season... simply living each day, day by day.

Look at the people passing by,
each one displaying aspects of our Father:
His goodness, His kindness, His gentleness, His joy, His creativeness, His wisdom, His purity, His openess, His boldness, His jovialness... His love.

The world around us is filled with his splendor. Even the skies pour forth speech, declaring His greatness.

We were created with a propensity to see His glory and seek His glory. Even more, we were meant to reflect His glory. Yet, the more we choose not to respond to the glory reflected in His creation, the more we lose an appreciation for it. And so we ignore it and lose sight of all that He is and all we were created to be. We lose sight of hope and what life really means. We turn our backs on Him and continue to search for more and more ways... when the Way was clearly set out before us. He came and showed us exactly who the Father was and He waits for us to remember who He is, and where we're from... why we were created. He waits, longing to see us run to Him. He longs to hold us. To wrap us in His arms, whisper an I love you in our ears and plant a kiss on our soiled cheeks, as His tears wash the mire off of our face.

It's in His embrace, I find rest.

Look what the Lord has done...

Just to name a few from Ephesians
He has:
Blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing,
Predestined us to be His sons and daughters,
Freely given His grace,
Redeemed us with His blood,
Forgave us of our sins,
Lavished His grace on us,
Marked us with the seal of His Holy Spirit (guaranteeing our inheritance),
He loved us and made us alive in Christ...
And the list goes on.

I am overwhelmed by all that He is done. I have taken for granted so many things that He has done for me and promised me. All I have to do is open His Word and I will see written plainly in the love letter how much He is in love with us and how we ravish His heart. I am amazed...

Oh, no. You never let go. You never let go of me.

We sang words that poured from our hearts as the sun illuminating the gray sky began to fade away. And as the sky darkened, we continued to sing fervently.

"Hard times will come, hard times will go away...
Your love never changes..."

I sat and thought about those words. I, myself, was having a hard time; a hard time dealing with doubt. I had been so excited about the change that God had been doing in my life, I had forgotten about how it felt in the hard times. But thank goodness that we have a God that says," Take heart (be of good cheer) for I have overcome the world". He said "there will be tribulation", but He promises that He will always be with you, that He is always present.

I just wish that I could impart that to the children that we worked with today; the children who have either no father figure or one that is basically nonexistent and children who have guns as a regular part of their lives("sometimes its a fake gun, sometimes it's a real gun" a girl told us today). It's one thing to tell them, but I'm praying that the Holy Spirit make known to them who there Father is and how much He loves them, that He will never leave nor forsake them.

I want them to know the God of unconditional love, of goodness and mercy, of compassion and justice, the God of love and grace.

Though hard times may come. I know they will pass. I know He is with me and I know that He who conquered death will make a way for me when there seems to be no way.

Every tribe, every tongue, every nation...

Every time, and it never fails, that I see young children from different nations I can't help but think about the impact that they are going to make. The impact that they will make on the people around them and ultimately their home country as they develop into the leaders that God has called them to be. Getting the opportunity to share the love of Christ with children from many different nations and backgrounds on Saturday was one of the most precious things that I have ever had the chance to do.

Thinking about the event during the week and how I could prepare for it was nothing compared to how the Holy Spirit and God's love was able to prepare me once I arrived at the church. I had to let every worry and anxiety about working with children and handling them fall to the wayside. And when I did... I was able to just love them. Right away, I found a friend. A little girl from Nepal came up to me and told me about how one of the boys was teasing her. I took her hand and invited her to sit with me. As we listened to the directions, she braided my hair. I felt like I had become part of the community. The kids were so open, and eager to learn about Jesus. I smiled and laughed as a young boy responded to the fact that we would be "walking where Jesus walked" during the guided tour with, "On water?!"

And throughout the day I felt the Holy Spirit welling up inside of me, joy bursting within me. These are the leaders of the world, the next generation; young Pauls, Davids and Marys; revolutionists, world-changers. These are the children of promise.

1,2,3...

Hearing the voice of God...

something beautiful, unique, and often seen as difficult.

As rain patters on the ground and birds chirp in waking, I am reminded of God's promises. Swooping carefree from one branch to another, they sing a song of praise. I want to be carefree like the sparrow, with a natural spring of praise overflowing from my heart.

I was reminded the other day not to overcomplicate things. Sometimes I get to the point of frustration in trying to hear from God, or just feel distracted. It is in the stillness of my mind that He is able to speak the loudest.

"Be still and know that I am God, " He says with great care. (Psalm 46:10)

It has been 3 days here at YWAM, but I am learning a lot. I am so grateful for this opportunity to rest in God and to have such a great family to encourage me here. I know that God is working on me with seeing Him as my perfect and loving Father that I can run to at any time and with so much more, and I am so glad that I can already see my confidence building. I keep getting the image of sitting on His lap. Him holding me close. I know He's telling me how much He loves me, I'm just waiting for that day when I will be completely unashamed and confident to jump up on His lap.




It has been hard, in some ways, thinking about the Father aspect of God. I have pushed the thoughts about my dad to the back of my mind, trying to ignore them, but I have decided to do that no longer. I said in some ways before though because God has been a wonderful Father to me and been there in ways that my earthly father couldn't, I just want to discover more about that aspect of God and to be able to just run and embrace Him.

Joy. Unspeakable Joy.

Inexplicable joy...

There is no other feeling like it.

Knowing that God has something planned for you, something bigger than yourself, and all you can do is hold on and watch God work through you. It's amazing.

God has showered His love and blessings on me and I just don't know what to do. I'm gonna share this love, is what I'm gonna do.

It's like this past Sunday when I was covered in prayer by the youth group at my church. As soon as Bill announced it, people crowded in to lay hands on me. And I could hear prayers coming from every direction. It was absolutely incredible. I love those kids and I am so blessed to have so many people supporting me and loving me.

I will never be the same because of the people that God has placed in my path.

It is not just the monetary blessings that have helped me... there have been so many thoughtful acts that people have done. Providing me with meals, thinking about the things that I may need or love to take with me, and of course the prayers.... I have been showered in prayer. From the time I got to Hope Chapel, up until this point, I have been covered by prayer. I love it! I am so blessed and I owe it all to Jesus. I am ready to go spread His name and His love! So, ready!

Wait.

Just thought I'd share a little something this morning that God showed me.

I have learned a little something from my dog. I thought it was a little tiresome that he follows me around EVERYWHERE, but God told me "I want you to be like that. Follow me. Don't just follow me, walk beside me. And don't jump ahead. Trust me. Wait on me." I remembered as Boomer would try to anticipate my moves and jump up on the couch if he thought that's where I was headed. I remember that God is always with me, but I have to stay with Him and trust in Him.

Outpour.

For a long time I had struggled with my thoughts and started to believe the lies that I never had salvation. A lot of that was me not fully understanding God's love and the fact that I do not have to work for salvation. My mind couldn't grasp the concept that it was done and paid for once and for all at the cross. I thought that I had to try to be holy, not understanding that it was in God's presence that I am made whole. I was forgetting that Jesus paid the price so that I may be blameless in His sight. I was striving thinking that salvation was of my own merit when, after all, it is by God's grace that I am saved.

As I prayed with my friends tonight, I saw this image of a sandcastle with walls and a heart inside. First it was just four walls with water (or love) pouring in, seeping through the walls. Then I pictured a sandcastle, the walls disintegrating as God's grace like the ocean flowed in. I can't help but think about God's love and how it overtakes us... wiping away all worries and concerns.

I know that there are barriers and mindsets God wants to tear down in my life. It's happening... I am just praying for outpour and more of Him.

Yeezu... obulamu.

Beautiful Africa...

In most people's minds when Africa is mentioned, there is a picture of struggle and poverty. And though there are those negative connotations, it is almost impossible to forget that African smile. The great big grin of white teeth, like snow caps of rocky mountains contrasted against rich, dark skin.

I will never forget the smiles I saw today. The children grinned with joy as they sang. And when they spoke, they spoke with confidence; like none I had seen before from people in their circumstance. That was just it... what gave them the ability to stand in front of hundreds of people and share about their life?

As they sang, some heads raised towards the ceiling, some eyes closed with a hand raised and the most beautiful sound was lifted to heaven,
the song of children praising their God
... for He had set them free.

Once again, I felt my heart being tugged towards rebuilding Africa... and more specifically, helping the Ugandan children. I can't explain why I feel so drawn to that place but I know that God wants to do something with me there. I couldn't help but cry when I saw how many lives had been changed through the love of God shared to these children by many mentors and leaders at Watoto. Watoto is a community that was started in Uganda to help give the children a chance at a better life and a better future. I am so thrilled at the thought of a new generation rising up to be better leaders. And I wonder how many children are missing that love and compassion that they should be getting... We, as the leaders now, need to step up in our communities and show the youth the example of Christ and make sure that we are being love; the unfailing, patient and enduring love that comes from God above.

Every time I hear the words "beautiful Africa" now emotions are stirred. I want that to be the way people everywhere will describe it. I want that to be the first thing that a person thinks about the continent and its people. And as one boy said, "I say beautiful Africa because of Jesus..." He has given life abundant. It doesn't matter how desolate things may seem, with Jesus life is abundant and fruitful... full of hope. We are blessed to have a Savior and King like Him... there is no other.

I can feel it coming...

restoration... a rebuilding of who I am... it's who I've been all along; it's just that I didn't realize how much of it had been hidden and for so long.

Going to YWAM Charlotte this afternoon and spending time with my new family helped me a lot. I got to hear stories about how God had transformed their lives and I got excited envisioning what God had for mine.

My mom talked with them about how she had seen my life being rebuilt. And, afterwards, she told me that she would almost cry when she thought about the fact that it seemed like my dreams died at one point. She was referring to the year when I was diagnosed with a health condition. And it was true. I felt my dreams dissolve before me. I was no longer like any other teen. I had to carefully watch my stressload; and, yes, everyone has stress but I could barely handle daily routine at that point. I lost touch with a lot of my friends and spent most of my time at home. And later it was hard for me to hold jobs again.

But I wasn't going to give up. I was convinced that I was just like any other teen and that God was not through with me yet. I began to pray about my health and tried to stay encouraged and keep my friends praying for me. I would tell them just how I felt and what was going on. There is no better way for someone to know what to pray for than being completely open and honest. I have learned that along the way. There is nothing more that the enemy wants when you are feeling down than for you to hold it all in. When we share with our brothers and sisters and let them know what to pray for, strongholds are broken down and weights are lifted. There is definitely power in prayer and I can testify to that.

And what happened when I prayed?

I began to see restoration. It wasn't always instantly and, don't get me wrong, there is a such thing as an instant answer to prayer; but I began to see a change. I think that there is something about when we pray... it's that surrendering to God, recognizing that He is the answer, and regaining your focus on Him that allows us to see His hand more and more in the things around us.

And now... I am excited for the things to come. I know that something big is going to happen. I know there is going to be breakthrough, big time. A lot of the things that God has been working with me on were brought up tonight as I talked with the staff at YWAM. Brittany shared something with me that brought me a lot of hope and excitement. God is going to do something major in my life and I can't wait to see how He uses it in the lives of others around me. I know that pottery probably doesn't know about the way it's being molded and shaped, but sometimes I think I catch a glimpse of a thumb sweeping down to wipe away a scratch or bump and I know that I'm in loving hands.

With love, He calls to you...

I see His face before me. A calm, yet piercing gaze staring back at me.

It's as if I could reach out and touch Him.

I don't remember how many times I have been told that Jesus was right in front of me, but I know it's enough for me to be assured that He's not going anywhere. And tonight, something hit me as my mom told me, " I feel as though I could reach out and touch His hand."

We talked about how many times God had provided for us in the recent past. All little reminders of His love. There was not a time where we started to worry, whether it was about where we were supposed to be in life or something more concrete like furniture, when He did not show up. It is so true when they say: "All things are in His hands". And while we sit in His hands, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to look up and see Him looking down on us. I can almost hear Him singing with joy on His lips.

And more personally, not just with my family, I have seen God at work in my life. In this time of trusting Him financially, I remembered when I gave $5 and on the same night received $100 from someone I just met. I remember Him healing me in the hospital, and continually restoring my health. And besides the more miraculous, He covers me with protection, wakes me up every morning and provides for me with all I need and more. Isn't that a miracle in itself, that God can take care of me with such detail and still take the same precise care of all the other people around the world.

I sit on the sidelines and watch Him at work in other people's lives as well. As my mom was saying, she saw how her unfurnished apartment was filled with furniture within a matter of weeks. It was to the point that we had to give furniture away. I have also watched as every time we thought we might be in a financial bind, my mom received an award at work or a check. 

I know my God is amazing and that there is none that can compare.

And though sometimes He has to get in front of me, to say, "I am with you, Sarah... Don't be afraid."

I know that He is here...

A masterpiece awaits...

photo credit: Kaitlyn Suter
I am staring at a display screen, watching as children laugh and run after the team. This is how I have spent most of my time on the trip... viewing life through a lens. As things unfold, I sit back and observe the events going on around me. A while back I would have objected to being the quiet one who merely watched everything happen instead of talking and entertaining, but now I see why I am the way that I am. I would much rather enjoy capturing memories, storing them and piecing them together in such a way that it tells a whole new story. The art of storytelling requires a creativity and care that I have carried with me since I was a child. But, while I love to imagine, I still prefer the authenticity of real life events. There is something about being able to show stories that people may not know about, stories that are true, crying for someone to listen.

photo credit: Kaitlyn Suter

There is also something about the interview process that draws me to documentary work. Sitting down and creating a conversation with a person is always enjoyable, but drawing out a story that he or she may have not even known existed is something completely different. It's like an artist with a palette full of the most splendid colors... the colors are there, but they haven't been put together yet. It takes a few strokes and a little blending to do the touch.

I enjoy what I do, though capturing the footage may cause an overwhelming feeling when the time comes to film and the routine and difficulty of the editing process may become rough. I take each project as a learning experience, knowing that I will face situations that may be tough, but will be ones that I can take valuable experience from.

Stop... and listen.

 Part of this process is the fundraising... every YWAM participant, even the founder raised support. It's part of that relying on God and seeing His provision and how he works through people and situations. Part of the process is also discovering more about who I am and my identity in Christ. I have been thinking a lot now about how God has brought me this far and how I could not have done any of this without Him. I wrote a script for a video to put on my fundraising page and couldn't use it all because it had to be tailored for a video, but it sums up a lot of what is going on.

Here's a little preview of the video to come:

When I was younger I never wanted to be a firefighter or a ballerina. I dreamed of swimming with dolphins and being a musician.  Never would I have thought that I would do anything any differently… but God had plans for me. I was called to be behind the lens, to document, to observe and capture life’s big moments.

There came a point where I was through with seeing only what the television showed me. I knew that there was a reality, a harshness of life that I was fortunate enough to never have experienced.

I want to broaden my perspective.

I want to tell people’s stories, stories of struggle and hope, stories that need to be told.

I want to call people to action with these stories.

Then maybe people everywhere will …stop… stop the business of daily life for just one moment to listen.

And maybe that listening will turn into a burden, a burden for those who are hurting, one that will not be satisfied until we see the end of wars and hungry children fed, and kids who aren’t afraid to sleep at night out of fear that someone will harm them.

That is why I am going to Youth With A Mission this March to study media and learn about all the stories that touch God’s heart and the ones that capture His character.

Look back... And see how good He has been.

My journey began when I started the book "Is That Really You God?" as part of my reading for the school. As I sat flipping through stories of the Cunningham family's lives, I saw that sometimes it is harder to realize how God is working in your life without getting the bird's eye view. Sometimes we need to be removed from a situation to see the impact that it has made. Looking back on my own life so far I have seen how I, myself, have heard from God. Yet, I began to wonder what would happen if I decided to truly press in and hear from the Lord. Not to be satisfied with a short conversation with God.

I have decided that I will give the Creator of the Universe His turn to speak. Don't I think that He knows a thing or two about life. After all, who am I??

And, He is the one who gives me life. Without God, I am nothing. Why do I choose to take matters into my own hands, instead of trusting the one who gave me life: formed and created me, then gave me the opportunity to live eternally with Him?

Of course, my day didn't end without these points being reiterated. I had a conversation with my mom about life and how God has an ultimate plan. We discussed how even when we don't choose to listen intently to God, He still guides us. And I have seen that even when it feels like we mess up, God draws all the pieces together that seemed broken and out of place. I heard it said that he always has a redemptive plan for us. How awesome is that?! In striving to do His will, if we mess up He will always be there. In fact, have we really messed up? Sometimes the things we go through teach us valuable lessons and help us grow stronger and closer with the Lord.

So, be encouraged! Know that you can always get back up when you feel like you've been knocked down. And that there is a plan and purpose for your life. We worship a faithful and loving God.